I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile
A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
There's nothing on the radio; I fiddle with the dial
Then I see a sign: the airport's just another mile
I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,
And as I near security I almost start to cry.
Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face,
I got three balloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
Crowded up in there.
My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.
I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might feel kinda nice,
Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.
I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;
I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.
Well I say a little prayer, hail Maria full of grace
I've got three balloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,
from my derriere.
I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
Five balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash,
Eight balloons of LSD, nine of s**y mild,
A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.
I made it to the gate now and my joy I can't contain.
I board the aircraft, take my seat in the c***pit of the plane-
As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,
And I've got three baloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air
And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatamalan child
from my derriere
I've got three balloons...
I've got three balloons...
I've got three balloons...
A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
There's nothing on the radio; I fiddle with the dial
Then I see a sign: the airport's just another mile
I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,
And as I near security I almost start to cry.
Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face,
I got three balloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
Crowded up in there.
My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.
I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might feel kinda nice,
Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.
I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;
I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.
Well I say a little prayer, hail Maria full of grace
I've got three balloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,
from my derriere.
I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
Five balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash,
Eight balloons of LSD, nine of s**y mild,
A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.
I made it to the gate now and my joy I can't contain.
I board the aircraft, take my seat in the c***pit of the plane-
As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,
And I've got three baloons of c**e in an uncomfortable place
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air
And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatamalan child
from my derriere
I've got three balloons...
I've got three balloons...
I've got three balloons...