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Dog Treat Lyrics

Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh...
Most of us have dogs, allright? (applause)
I don't know if it's a local thing where I live,
or if it's everywhere,
and I'm checking it with you because uh,
I don't get in the area that often
and I'm just checking to see if...
There's a new kind of a dog treat.
And uh (where I live)
and they're available in the pet store
and for the longest time I just thought
that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh...
I wasn't really sure what it was,
until I read the label on the back
and it said "Bull p****" (laughter).
I was a little shocked!
I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world.
You can get a whale's pancreas if you'd want one!
I can get you one! (laughter)
But com'on, a bull's p****!
How busy they were their whole lives.
And they throw it to a dog,
like that, for a snack! (laughter)
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area?
They are, aren't they?
Doesn't that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time.
And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"!
I mean... that's the part that really got me.
And it said: "A Real Meat Snack".
There's just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway...
The other thing is that they're 36 inches long! (laughter).
They're so long they had to cut them into b***-size portions.
And then they take two of them and braid them together.
I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh...
This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom...
That's a lie!
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