Well I'm the Gentleman Rhymer named Mr.B
I like to smoke my pipe with a cup of tea
Lapsang Suchong and devilled kidneys
Why would anybody want to stop me?
I'm a man of taste, a man of finesse
But I must get something off my chest
I'll abide by the laws of your watering holes
But I won't stand in the rain with a pack of ruddy proles
Puffing on their Marlboros or Mayfair Lights
Or worse, those herbal trade fair types
If I was in the club with a broadsheet
Waiting for a pinky rub on my bored feet
I would watch them from the window in their sportswear shoes
Now I've got to go out and be bored there too
So prime minister sir, this just won't do
Listen to my plea to you, please.
Let me smoke my pipe
The pipe, the pipe, let's pack the pipe
My pipe smells nice check one
My pipe smells nice check two
My Pipe smells nice check three
The smoke's all gone, but now the pubs smell of wee
My pipe smells nice check one
My pipe smells nice check two
My Pipe smells nice check three
Won't you come and smoke a pipe with me
Come on, smoke it.
I like to smoke my pipe with a cup of tea
Lapsang Suchong and devilled kidneys
Why would anybody want to stop me?
I'm a man of taste, a man of finesse
But I must get something off my chest
I'll abide by the laws of your watering holes
But I won't stand in the rain with a pack of ruddy proles
Puffing on their Marlboros or Mayfair Lights
Or worse, those herbal trade fair types
If I was in the club with a broadsheet
Waiting for a pinky rub on my bored feet
I would watch them from the window in their sportswear shoes
Now I've got to go out and be bored there too
So prime minister sir, this just won't do
Listen to my plea to you, please.
Let me smoke my pipe
The pipe, the pipe, let's pack the pipe
My pipe smells nice check one
My pipe smells nice check two
My Pipe smells nice check three
The smoke's all gone, but now the pubs smell of wee
My pipe smells nice check one
My pipe smells nice check two
My Pipe smells nice check three
Won't you come and smoke a pipe with me
Come on, smoke it.