He was so lonely
Had no luck whatsoever with women
When along came a cure called
"Instant Attraction"
However, he discovered too late
That it worked far too well
And now he can't find a way
To turn off the action
Well, I spotted an ad in an old magazine
Endorsed by the stars of the Hollywood screen
"Try Doc McGurgle's Babylonian Lizard Tooth Oil
And feminine instincts will come to a boil"
So I filled in the coupon
And I sent them a check
I had to do something, my life was a wreck
A package arrived in the mail the next day
I tore off the wrappings without a delay
I spread the solution all over my skin
A landslide of females was soon to begin
I never expected reactions so strong
It started out right, but now everything's wrong
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I'm sure to be eaten alive
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I know I ain't gonna survive
They broke down my back door
And the bay window too
And left me there bleedin'
Kissed black and blue
Escaped in a flash
To the old people's home
To call Doc McGurgle right
Up on the phone
I called Information and
She checked out her list
She told me McGurgle just didn't exist
Then I heard a rumbling and
I turned to see
Six hundred wheel chairs
Aheading at me
I bathed in the Ganges and
I prayed in a shrine
I tried spot remover and fifty-cent wine
Battery acid, lye, gasoline
I scrubbed and I scraped
But I couldn't get clean
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
My life is fading out fast
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
My strength is a thing of the past
I ran to the jailhouse and said
"Gimme a break"
I thought I'd be safe there
But what a mistake
So I hid in a cage at the Fleischhacker Zoo
But the lady gorillas don't know it's taboo
I find myself now at the end of my rope
I can't last much longer, I've given up hope
The only solution for saving my soul
Must be retroactive birth control
I bathed in the Ganges and
I prayed in a shrine
I tried spot remover and fifty-cent wine
Battery acid, lye, gasoline
I scrubbed and I scraped
But I couldn't get clean
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I'm sure to be eaten alive
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I know I ain't gonna survive
Doc McGurgle
Send me the antidote
My life is fading out fast
Had no luck whatsoever with women
When along came a cure called
"Instant Attraction"
However, he discovered too late
That it worked far too well
And now he can't find a way
To turn off the action
Well, I spotted an ad in an old magazine
Endorsed by the stars of the Hollywood screen
"Try Doc McGurgle's Babylonian Lizard Tooth Oil
And feminine instincts will come to a boil"
So I filled in the coupon
And I sent them a check
I had to do something, my life was a wreck
A package arrived in the mail the next day
I tore off the wrappings without a delay
I spread the solution all over my skin
A landslide of females was soon to begin
I never expected reactions so strong
It started out right, but now everything's wrong
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I'm sure to be eaten alive
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I know I ain't gonna survive
They broke down my back door
And the bay window too
And left me there bleedin'
Kissed black and blue
Escaped in a flash
To the old people's home
To call Doc McGurgle right
Up on the phone
I called Information and
She checked out her list
She told me McGurgle just didn't exist
Then I heard a rumbling and
I turned to see
Six hundred wheel chairs
Aheading at me
I bathed in the Ganges and
I prayed in a shrine
I tried spot remover and fifty-cent wine
Battery acid, lye, gasoline
I scrubbed and I scraped
But I couldn't get clean
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
My life is fading out fast
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
My strength is a thing of the past
I ran to the jailhouse and said
"Gimme a break"
I thought I'd be safe there
But what a mistake
So I hid in a cage at the Fleischhacker Zoo
But the lady gorillas don't know it's taboo
I find myself now at the end of my rope
I can't last much longer, I've given up hope
The only solution for saving my soul
Must be retroactive birth control
I bathed in the Ganges and
I prayed in a shrine
I tried spot remover and fifty-cent wine
Battery acid, lye, gasoline
I scrubbed and I scraped
But I couldn't get clean
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I'm sure to be eaten alive
Send me the antidote, Doc McGurgle
I know I ain't gonna survive
Doc McGurgle
Send me the antidote
My life is fading out fast