A-well I met this guy sometime last May I heard he was hung and a machine gun lay But I musta been drunk, I musta been busy Musta been watchin tapes of old MacGuyver or Richard Bey IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS MATRIMONY YOU BETTER BAG THE BAD TUX AND JUST RIDE MY PONY AND ALL YOU BAD f**** OUT THERE DONT YOU TRY TO BONE ME I ONLY WANTED A PIECE OF THAT FRIED BALONEY-ONEY FIRST I DID SOME JUMPING JACKS AND I SAW IT IN HIS PANTS HE SAID d*** I LIKE YOUR RACK--I MEAN, YOU CAN REALLY DANCE!!!! BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE RUNNING MAN I THOUGHT THAT HE MIGHT BE GETTING SOFT THEN HE PICKED UP THE PHONE AND SAID HEY! THE WEDDINGS OFF!!! And so that guy I had just met last May He saw my cameltoe then canceled his wedding day In a leotard made of the finest gold lame At his bachelor party guess who popped right outta the cake? (Repeat chorus)