Cast of Players:
CONTESTANT, a young bachelorette (dressed as Mary Magdalene, concubine)
BACHELOR #3, a c***y young male (poss. dressed as Jesus the Nazarene,
Age 33 1/3 rpm [revolutions per Masada])
GAME SHOW HOST, mid 40's white male (cross between Messrs.
Wink Martindale/ Alex Trebek/ Chuck Woolery/ Pat Sajak)
AUDIENCE, the "chorus," a Y2K family at home dressed in sweatsuits,
Including but not limited to DAUGHTER, MOTHER and FATHER
BACHELORS #1 and #2, done up like Barrabas and the other guy.
Setting:
An L.A. sound studio,year 2000 or 2033 1/3, taping an MTV Dating Game show.
Other Settings: Kitchen of Y2K family, watching TV
CONTESTANT
Bachelor #3, maybe you're right for me? Better than #2?
BACHELOR #3
Contestant, my source of pride is I'm .09 microns wide,
And built RAM tough! with racing trim! I'm .01 micron more than him!
CONTESTANT
Bachelor #3, rape me! A sight to see! Make me your bride-to-be!
BACHELOR #3
Well, I'm the first in history to be the follower of ME! See,
My strengths count while his are void. In time, I'll have his kind destroyed!
GAME SHOW HOST
(disgusted, admonishing Bachelor #3 off camera during commercial break)
5 million cameras testify to truths your stubborn heads defy:
Your blips leave little resonance! Your actions have no consequence!
Your opinions have no weight beyond the air your pierced tongue spits them on!
Soon you'll join us, with your father, in a chorus of "Why Bother?"
AUDIENCE
(shot of the family at dinner table watching the TV,
During same commercial break, enamored with Bachelor #3's c***iness.
Also, at some points during this section we see a shot of all 3 bachelors
With their buzzer lights going on in sequence to the three-note melody,
The highest note played by #3, the words of which we see light up on his money screen,
E.g., "3, " love," and "brash")
That #3 will only love his shadow! So loud and brash he'll sure be double-plus good!
Kids, turn him up, yeah! Violences a**ert you, or something like that.
Honey, pass the tastebuds.
(father pulls condom-like "tongue sheath" off his tongue
And passes it across the dinner table to wife. )
CONTESTANT
(Daughter, essentially a younger version of Contestant,
Sees her father do this and begins to daydream of a nice studly husband
Someday that she could share tongue-sheaths with while kissing which,
Contemporaneously, is the only safe and sanitary way to kiss.
Dream husband looks like Bachelor #3, we see her pressing the rewind
And fast-forward b***ons on the tape deck of her mind.)
Daddy says it's time to see who could be the match for me.
And in my dream home, #3 is plugging in my screen.
The picture's so pristine, like our happy family.
AUDIENCE
(audience growing more excited by the silly b****y antics of Mr. 3)
That #3's the promise of new breed! He'll caulk her hairlines,
Make us wanna breed rich! Kids, can't you listen, stop biting eachother,
Stop screaming! Honey, can't we change the channel?!
(channel is changed to VH-1 "Messiahs of Rock" special,
Episode #33 w/Peter Frampton. Or at least Count Zero dressed like Peter Frampton's band.
During each applause snippet, camera cuts from band to excited rock audience members.
First, it's a 70's rock crowd; then by the third snippet it's been morphed
Into a crowd of perfected 21st-century huge-breasted waif-models,
Eager to "show us their dayds."
We see behind the curtain at the editing room
Where this morphing is occuring.
The video editing suite is being manned by a potato-chip eating techie,
Who bears a resemblance to the comic store owner on the Simpsons. )
CONTESTANT
(Daughter grows up to look like contestant,
But bit by bit til the end of this section,
Morphs fatter and fatter into her parents)
Daddy says it's time to see who could be the man for me.
And in my dream home Mr.
3 is on ev'ry magazine with his teeth and hair so clean.
We're one happy fat machine. Bachelor #3! Bachelor #3! Bachelor #3!
(Daughter, pressing rewind on the tapedeck of her mind,
Is now happily riding on a merry-go-round of unicorns,
In a dream world, singing "Bachelor #3."
On the opposite side of the merry-go-round is Contestant,
Looking a tad haggard, on her Dating Game Date Vacation at Pepsi-DisneyWorld,
With Bachelor #3, looking like Merle Haggard, on the unicorn in front of her.
There are tongue-sheaths on all the erect horns of the unicorns.
The poles that run alongside the unicorns that she lays sadly against
Are the texture and color of erect p**** flesh.
Pan back to Daughter on other side of merry-go-round,
As she lays against her p****-pole, dreaming.
[Folks, please dig the wicked-heavy symbolism.]
We follow her dream as she again presses fast forward on her mind's tape-deck.
Soft-filter lens. She is the age of Contestant again,
Now as story-book angelic as can be, in a flowing white dress,
Riding horseback with a shirtless man she has her arms around
And is laying her head against. No saddle.
[Note to self: Befriend someone in the movie bid-ness
Who can get me access to the last two minutes of John Travolta's
Mid-70's made-for-TV movie "The Boy in a Plastic Bubble,"
Because I remember the closing scene of that looking a lot like
What I just described.])
CONTESTANT, a young bachelorette (dressed as Mary Magdalene, concubine)
BACHELOR #3, a c***y young male (poss. dressed as Jesus the Nazarene,
Age 33 1/3 rpm [revolutions per Masada])
GAME SHOW HOST, mid 40's white male (cross between Messrs.
Wink Martindale/ Alex Trebek/ Chuck Woolery/ Pat Sajak)
AUDIENCE, the "chorus," a Y2K family at home dressed in sweatsuits,
Including but not limited to DAUGHTER, MOTHER and FATHER
BACHELORS #1 and #2, done up like Barrabas and the other guy.
Setting:
An L.A. sound studio,year 2000 or 2033 1/3, taping an MTV Dating Game show.
Other Settings: Kitchen of Y2K family, watching TV
CONTESTANT
Bachelor #3, maybe you're right for me? Better than #2?
BACHELOR #3
Contestant, my source of pride is I'm .09 microns wide,
And built RAM tough! with racing trim! I'm .01 micron more than him!
CONTESTANT
Bachelor #3, rape me! A sight to see! Make me your bride-to-be!
BACHELOR #3
Well, I'm the first in history to be the follower of ME! See,
My strengths count while his are void. In time, I'll have his kind destroyed!
GAME SHOW HOST
(disgusted, admonishing Bachelor #3 off camera during commercial break)
5 million cameras testify to truths your stubborn heads defy:
Your blips leave little resonance! Your actions have no consequence!
Your opinions have no weight beyond the air your pierced tongue spits them on!
Soon you'll join us, with your father, in a chorus of "Why Bother?"
AUDIENCE
(shot of the family at dinner table watching the TV,
During same commercial break, enamored with Bachelor #3's c***iness.
Also, at some points during this section we see a shot of all 3 bachelors
With their buzzer lights going on in sequence to the three-note melody,
The highest note played by #3, the words of which we see light up on his money screen,
E.g., "3, " love," and "brash")
That #3 will only love his shadow! So loud and brash he'll sure be double-plus good!
Kids, turn him up, yeah! Violences a**ert you, or something like that.
Honey, pass the tastebuds.
(father pulls condom-like "tongue sheath" off his tongue
And passes it across the dinner table to wife. )
CONTESTANT
(Daughter, essentially a younger version of Contestant,
Sees her father do this and begins to daydream of a nice studly husband
Someday that she could share tongue-sheaths with while kissing which,
Contemporaneously, is the only safe and sanitary way to kiss.
Dream husband looks like Bachelor #3, we see her pressing the rewind
And fast-forward b***ons on the tape deck of her mind.)
Daddy says it's time to see who could be the match for me.
And in my dream home, #3 is plugging in my screen.
The picture's so pristine, like our happy family.
AUDIENCE
(audience growing more excited by the silly b****y antics of Mr. 3)
That #3's the promise of new breed! He'll caulk her hairlines,
Make us wanna breed rich! Kids, can't you listen, stop biting eachother,
Stop screaming! Honey, can't we change the channel?!
(channel is changed to VH-1 "Messiahs of Rock" special,
Episode #33 w/Peter Frampton. Or at least Count Zero dressed like Peter Frampton's band.
During each applause snippet, camera cuts from band to excited rock audience members.
First, it's a 70's rock crowd; then by the third snippet it's been morphed
Into a crowd of perfected 21st-century huge-breasted waif-models,
Eager to "show us their dayds."
We see behind the curtain at the editing room
Where this morphing is occuring.
The video editing suite is being manned by a potato-chip eating techie,
Who bears a resemblance to the comic store owner on the Simpsons. )
CONTESTANT
(Daughter grows up to look like contestant,
But bit by bit til the end of this section,
Morphs fatter and fatter into her parents)
Daddy says it's time to see who could be the man for me.
And in my dream home Mr.
3 is on ev'ry magazine with his teeth and hair so clean.
We're one happy fat machine. Bachelor #3! Bachelor #3! Bachelor #3!
(Daughter, pressing rewind on the tapedeck of her mind,
Is now happily riding on a merry-go-round of unicorns,
In a dream world, singing "Bachelor #3."
On the opposite side of the merry-go-round is Contestant,
Looking a tad haggard, on her Dating Game Date Vacation at Pepsi-DisneyWorld,
With Bachelor #3, looking like Merle Haggard, on the unicorn in front of her.
There are tongue-sheaths on all the erect horns of the unicorns.
The poles that run alongside the unicorns that she lays sadly against
Are the texture and color of erect p**** flesh.
Pan back to Daughter on other side of merry-go-round,
As she lays against her p****-pole, dreaming.
[Folks, please dig the wicked-heavy symbolism.]
We follow her dream as she again presses fast forward on her mind's tape-deck.
Soft-filter lens. She is the age of Contestant again,
Now as story-book angelic as can be, in a flowing white dress,
Riding horseback with a shirtless man she has her arms around
And is laying her head against. No saddle.
[Note to self: Befriend someone in the movie bid-ness
Who can get me access to the last two minutes of John Travolta's
Mid-70's made-for-TV movie "The Boy in a Plastic Bubble,"
Because I remember the closing scene of that looking a lot like
What I just described.])