NICK
What the hell are musicals?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops, and the plot is conveyed through song!
.
NICK
Through song?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Yes!
.
NICK
Wait wait - so an actor is saying his lines and then, out of nowhere, he just starts...singing?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Yes!
.
NICK
Well that is the...
(sung)
Stupidest thing that I have ever heard
You're doing a play, got something to say
So you sing it? It's absurd!
Who on earth is going to sit there
While an actor breaks into song?
What possible thought could the audience think
Other than, "this is horribly wrong?"
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Remarkably, they won't think that.
.
NICK
Seriously? Why not?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Because...
(sung)
It's
A
Musical
A musical
And nothing's as amazing as
A musical
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And happy endings happening by happenstance
Bright lights, stage fights
And a dazzling chorus
You wanna be great? Then you gotta create
A musical
.
NICK
I don't know, I find it hard to believe people would actually pay to see something like this
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Let's just say it's a Saturday night, and you want to go out on the town
Got a lady to flatter who might "give it up" if you don't let her down
You could go see a tragedy, but that wouldn't be very fun
Or a play from Greek mythology - see a Mother have s** with her son!
.
NICK
Eeuwwrrgh!!
.
NOSTRADAMUS
You could go see a drama, with all of that trauma and pain
Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain
.
Go
See
A
Musical
A musical
A poppy piece releasing all
Your blue-sicals
Where crooners croon (CHORUS: Ahhhh) a catchy tune
And limber little ladies thrill ya 'til ya swoon
Oohs, aahs, big applause
And a standing ovation
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
The future is bright if you could just write
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Some make you happy
Some make you sad
Some are quite big
Some quite small
Some are too long
Some are just plays with song (CHORUS: Ahhh)
Some musicals have
No talking at all
.
NICK
No talking at all?
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
That's right, there's no talking
All of the dialogue is sung
In a very dramatic fashion
.
NICK
Umm, really?
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
Yes, really
.
NICK
There's no talk-
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung, interrupting NICK)
There's no talking
And they often stay on one note for a very long time
So that when they change to a different note
You notice
And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect
But mostly you just sit there asking yourself,
"Why aren't they talking?"
.
NICK
Sounds miserable
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
I believe it's p***ounced
'Misérables'
.
NICK
And people actually like this?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No - they LOVE it! And what's not to love!
(sung)
It's such a delight
There's nothing quite like
A musical
(spoken)
Oo! Another vision! I haven't even told you the best part yet!
(sung)
Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet
.
NICK
Uh, what is that?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Feel your a** gyrating to that t**illating beat
.
NICK
Woah - are you okay?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
You slap your lap
Then finger-snap
That's when you know
It's time to TAP!
.
Ooohhhhh!
.
NICK
What the hell are you doing now?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
It's called a dance break! Apparently this happens in musicals as well! People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance!
.
NICK
Why? Does it advance the plot?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No!
.
NICK
Advance character?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Not necessarily
.
NICK
Then why do it?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Because - it's entertaining!!
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!!
.
(dance break)
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Another vision!
It's a musical
Whaddaya-talk whaddaya-talk
It's a musical
A Seussical?
No a musical
With girls on stage
.
CHORUS
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
We've got sappy repartee
And the women are risqué
And the chorus boys are kind-of gay
.
CHORUS
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
A true blue new
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
Musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Stand back!
It's a musical
Some musicals are very serious
A big glittering
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
Musical
A musical
.
(in the style of Annie)
It's a musical for us
.
NOSTRADAMUS
A big and shiny
Mighty fine-y
Glitter, glitz and chorus line-y
Bob your head and shake your hiney
Musical
It's a musical (CHORUS: it's a musical)
It is a musical (CHORUS: it's a musical)
.
NICK
YES! I get it now!
(sung)
We'll do a musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No kidding!
.
NICK
A musical
What could be more amazing than
A musical
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And with a musical we might have half a chance
.
BOTH
Oohs, aahs, big applause
With everyone cheering for us
.
NOSTRADAMUS
And for some unexplainable reason
The crowd goes wild every time
When dancers kick in unison
In one big won-der-ful line
.
ALL
And then you got yourself
A musical
A musical
A la-la-la-la-la-la-la-paloozical
With splashy style
And a big, fake smile
A snazzy handsome, jazzy hands
I swear that I'll
Cross my heart, hope to die
If it isn't a doozy
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Take it from me
They'll be flocking to see
.
BOTH
Your star-lit, won't quit, big hit
Musical
.
ALL
A big hit musical!
What the hell are musicals?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops, and the plot is conveyed through song!
.
NICK
Through song?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Yes!
.
NICK
Wait wait - so an actor is saying his lines and then, out of nowhere, he just starts...singing?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Yes!
.
NICK
Well that is the...
(sung)
Stupidest thing that I have ever heard
You're doing a play, got something to say
So you sing it? It's absurd!
Who on earth is going to sit there
While an actor breaks into song?
What possible thought could the audience think
Other than, "this is horribly wrong?"
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Remarkably, they won't think that.
.
NICK
Seriously? Why not?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Because...
(sung)
It's
A
Musical
A musical
And nothing's as amazing as
A musical
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And happy endings happening by happenstance
Bright lights, stage fights
And a dazzling chorus
You wanna be great? Then you gotta create
A musical
.
NICK
I don't know, I find it hard to believe people would actually pay to see something like this
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Let's just say it's a Saturday night, and you want to go out on the town
Got a lady to flatter who might "give it up" if you don't let her down
You could go see a tragedy, but that wouldn't be very fun
Or a play from Greek mythology - see a Mother have s** with her son!
.
NICK
Eeuwwrrgh!!
.
NOSTRADAMUS
You could go see a drama, with all of that trauma and pain
Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain
.
Go
See
A
Musical
A musical
A poppy piece releasing all
Your blue-sicals
Where crooners croon (CHORUS: Ahhhh) a catchy tune
And limber little ladies thrill ya 'til ya swoon
Oohs, aahs, big applause
And a standing ovation
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
The future is bright if you could just write
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Some make you happy
Some make you sad
Some are quite big
Some quite small
Some are too long
Some are just plays with song (CHORUS: Ahhh)
Some musicals have
No talking at all
.
NICK
No talking at all?
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
That's right, there's no talking
All of the dialogue is sung
In a very dramatic fashion
.
NICK
Umm, really?
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
Yes, really
.
NICK
There's no talk-
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung, interrupting NICK)
There's no talking
And they often stay on one note for a very long time
So that when they change to a different note
You notice
And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect
But mostly you just sit there asking yourself,
"Why aren't they talking?"
.
NICK
Sounds miserable
.
NOSTRADAMUS (sung)
I believe it's p***ounced
'Misérables'
.
NICK
And people actually like this?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No - they LOVE it! And what's not to love!
(sung)
It's such a delight
There's nothing quite like
A musical
(spoken)
Oo! Another vision! I haven't even told you the best part yet!
(sung)
Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet
.
NICK
Uh, what is that?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Feel your a** gyrating to that t**illating beat
.
NICK
Woah - are you okay?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
You slap your lap
Then finger-snap
That's when you know
It's time to TAP!
.
Ooohhhhh!
.
NICK
What the hell are you doing now?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
It's called a dance break! Apparently this happens in musicals as well! People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance!
.
NICK
Why? Does it advance the plot?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No!
.
NICK
Advance character?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Not necessarily
.
NICK
Then why do it?
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Because - it's entertaining!!
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!!
.
(dance break)
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Another vision!
It's a musical
Whaddaya-talk whaddaya-talk
It's a musical
A Seussical?
No a musical
With girls on stage
.
CHORUS
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
We've got sappy repartee
And the women are risqué
And the chorus boys are kind-of gay
.
CHORUS
A musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
A true blue new
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
Musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Stand back!
It's a musical
Some musicals are very serious
A big glittering
.
NOSTRADAMUS & CHORUS
Musical
A musical
.
(in the style of Annie)
It's a musical for us
.
NOSTRADAMUS
A big and shiny
Mighty fine-y
Glitter, glitz and chorus line-y
Bob your head and shake your hiney
Musical
It's a musical (CHORUS: it's a musical)
It is a musical (CHORUS: it's a musical)
.
NICK
YES! I get it now!
(sung)
We'll do a musical
.
NOSTRADAMUS
No kidding!
.
NICK
A musical
What could be more amazing than
A musical
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And with a musical we might have half a chance
.
BOTH
Oohs, aahs, big applause
With everyone cheering for us
.
NOSTRADAMUS
And for some unexplainable reason
The crowd goes wild every time
When dancers kick in unison
In one big won-der-ful line
.
ALL
And then you got yourself
A musical
A musical
A la-la-la-la-la-la-la-paloozical
With splashy style
And a big, fake smile
A snazzy handsome, jazzy hands
I swear that I'll
Cross my heart, hope to die
If it isn't a doozy
.
NOSTRADAMUS
Take it from me
They'll be flocking to see
.
BOTH
Your star-lit, won't quit, big hit
Musical
.
ALL
A big hit musical!