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The Birmingham Ho Lyrics

OK... Taxi!

I met this girl in a Birmingham taxi
I got it first, but she slipped in before me
Just as I was telling her, hey this is mine
She already told the cab driver where to go
Me I always show respect for the ladies
I sat back and let her have it her way
So good lord sees me through darkness and light
I tell you what I remembered from that night

I'm hungry, do you fancy a little something to eat?
I can't go on forever on Cognac and weed
But she was already on the way down in the seat
I tried to stop her, or maybe I didn't

So there I was in a strange situation
The chauffeur said I can drop you off at the station
I said no man, no don't
I tell you when to stop keep your eyes on the road

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

Two hours later, she was still at it
The driver had to refill gasoline and s***
Baby baby, introduce yourself
What's your name, girl?
My name is Fred
Fred?
Fred, yeah
Fred, a'what a'what did you say?
Now that put me back a bit 'cos I'm not gay
Now that put me back a bit 'cos I'm not gay
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

So whatever kind of trouble you might get yourself into
Just think of me that night and what I went through
I thought it was Helen or Marie or whatever, giving me head
Until I realised it was this dude called Fred ... Hello

And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey
And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey, ho hey
Take it away now..

Hold on a minute, that's bullshit
You told me it was a microphone
And you wanted me to sing in it
I have a lot of friends and I do lots of things for them
I don't think it's me, I think it's you that have a problem
So zip up and try to be a gentleman
I have feelings too and I don't need you to hurt them
So zip up and try to be a gentleman
So zip up and try to be a gentleman

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
No, you don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK
You don't have to be gay to make a friend feel good OK

And that was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey
And was a Birmingham Ho
Hey, ho hey, ho hey, ho hey...
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Being Everything, Knowing Nothing (2003)