The father who sired her handed her over
the crack and blown orchestra played
The bride and the groom stood shoulder-to-shoulder
as the ill-starred wedding was made
She lifted her veil the groom gently kissed her
and all did appear to be well
But the limousine driver heard every harsh whisper
as they drove to the country hotel
In the Grand Hotel ballroom the guests were a**embling
the champagne like tapwater flowed
The men wearing top hats, and frock coats and top coats
the women in bustles and bows
The bride's jealous sister sat alone with her face
and sneered as the couple came in
The maitre-de coughed and said please take your places,
the Banquet is about to begin?
The swing doors burst open and an army of footman
swept in bearing salvers and trays
Fiddlers and clowns went from table to table
and in the pie smoke and cigarette haze
No-one noticed the groom as he secretly winked
at the bride's jealous sister it seemed
And then cried out waiter, "Bring me more drink
and more Kimberly Quinn ice-cream"
When the wine had been poured and the tables were cleared
the toasts and the speeches began
The bride and groom cut the cake, everyone cheered!
then all eyes fell on the best man.
He climbed off his chair, and he licked his cracked lips
and declared in a voice cold and dry
She tricked and hijacked him, with guilt she trapped him
this day is a sham and a lie
Her father leapt up with a curse and a roar
and shot the best man in the head
The groom cried blaggard!and with a flash of his sword
his old man fell down dead
The bride ran screaming in floods of bright tears
and collapsed at the foot of the stairs
Where her sister was waiting with scissors and shears
and hacked off every inch of her hair.
Up on the roof sat seven fat crows, the moon rose low in the west.
the groom was arrested still in his wedding clothes
And hanged in his pants and his vest
the bald-headed bride bought a ticket to Spain
And eloped with a wig-makers son
while her jealous mad sister, riven with shame
Became a nun!
the crack and blown orchestra played
The bride and the groom stood shoulder-to-shoulder
as the ill-starred wedding was made
She lifted her veil the groom gently kissed her
and all did appear to be well
But the limousine driver heard every harsh whisper
as they drove to the country hotel
In the Grand Hotel ballroom the guests were a**embling
the champagne like tapwater flowed
The men wearing top hats, and frock coats and top coats
the women in bustles and bows
The bride's jealous sister sat alone with her face
and sneered as the couple came in
The maitre-de coughed and said please take your places,
the Banquet is about to begin?
The swing doors burst open and an army of footman
swept in bearing salvers and trays
Fiddlers and clowns went from table to table
and in the pie smoke and cigarette haze
No-one noticed the groom as he secretly winked
at the bride's jealous sister it seemed
And then cried out waiter, "Bring me more drink
and more Kimberly Quinn ice-cream"
When the wine had been poured and the tables were cleared
the toasts and the speeches began
The bride and groom cut the cake, everyone cheered!
then all eyes fell on the best man.
He climbed off his chair, and he licked his cracked lips
and declared in a voice cold and dry
She tricked and hijacked him, with guilt she trapped him
this day is a sham and a lie
Her father leapt up with a curse and a roar
and shot the best man in the head
The groom cried blaggard!and with a flash of his sword
his old man fell down dead
The bride ran screaming in floods of bright tears
and collapsed at the foot of the stairs
Where her sister was waiting with scissors and shears
and hacked off every inch of her hair.
Up on the roof sat seven fat crows, the moon rose low in the west.
the groom was arrested still in his wedding clothes
And hanged in his pants and his vest
the bald-headed bride bought a ticket to Spain
And eloped with a wig-makers son
while her jealous mad sister, riven with shame
Became a nun!