(Ko-Ko:)
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list - I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs -
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs -
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat -
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that -
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-á-têtes insist -
They'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!
(Chorus:)
He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.
(Ko-Ko:)
There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist - I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed - they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist -
I don't think she'd be missed - I'm sure she'd not he missed!
(Chorus:)
He's got her on the list - he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed - I'm sure she'll not be missed!
(Ko-Ko:)
...
(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list - you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed!
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list - I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs -
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs -
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat -
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that -
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-á-têtes insist -
They'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!
(Chorus:)
He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.
(Ko-Ko:)
There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist - I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed - they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist -
I don't think she'd be missed - I'm sure she'd not he missed!
(Chorus:)
He's got her on the list - he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed - I'm sure she'll not be missed!
(Ko-Ko:)
...
(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list - you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed!